Tsuyo wa Mama - Two months passed

Over the past year I’ve been practicing pronouncing different Japanese words. Mom used to comment that I was doing well and she always noticed when I was whispering Japanese words under my breath. The symbols written on this image are a play on words I discovered during those days that Mom was in the hospital, but I’ll come back to those in a moment.

The above design is taken from one of Mom’s rings. In these past two months, this ring has become a symbol of her to me. I’ve taken to drawing it in my notebook when I can’t focus on classes, and it is like she comes back to hug me and say, “Do your best!” The original meaning of the ring was that it held the birthstones of Cindy, Brenda, Will, and Myself, but I’m starting to see it differently with each time I draw it.

It begins on the left at a single point, the day Beth Ann Martin was born. It grows a little, spreading from its center until the first new line appears with her marriage to David Joseph Martin. The first star comes with their first daughter Cynthia. New lines join in and a few sections swirl off. These are the people who Mom touched in her life, whether it was her involvement in our school, the church, or just the smile she put on her face even on days she didn’t feel her best.

Three more stars light up with Myself, Brenda, and Will, and still the shape branches out to support us. It holds up Brenda and Will who are the second and third stars on the top, and yet still curves down to support the problem child, Me.

I find it so appropriate that my star is on the bottom, and towards the end. At her funeral I was told that one of her favorite things to brag about during these last few years was that I had actually gone and picked out a college for myself, and had a plan for my life. I know over this summer when I did the house work rather than getting a job, she several times remarked to me that she was surprised I remembered how to fold shirts and towels. “I always thought it was going in one ear, and out the other,” she said.

I always remember seeing how my siblings shone. Cindy with academics, Brenda with cooking, Will with all his friends, but it hasn’t been until the past three years that I’ve been able to see my star slowly brighten as well. I truly believe that my star would have never become as it is now, if Mom hadn’t been there pushing me on my way.

That brings me back to the Japanese characters. In romanji this is pronounced Tsuyo wa haha, which translates as Strength is Mom (Tsuyo meaning Strength; wa meaning is; Haha meaning Mother). Changing the last character 母   to  ママ means the same thing but changes Haha(Mother) to Mama(Mom). Finally, saying Tsuyo wa Mama, changing ママ to まま is still pronounced Mama, but has a different translation.

強はまま. Tsuyo wa mama.

Strength Remains.

She supported us throughout our lives. She gave us the ability to shine and move on our own. Now, even though she’s not here with us, that strength and our shining lights still remain in this world. It is a strength that will never go away.

Beth Ann Martin
August 20, 1964~ September 20, 2014