The Burp that Started It All
It was an ordinary day. It was so ordinary, in fact, that there is no other way to begin this story than with a clique introduction. It was just plain ordinary, or at least as ordinary as it could get for an Alien Invader and a human boy who fought each other over the fate of planet every day, and today would be no different. Actually it would be different, but only because this time, the idea for destruction of the earth came from the human.
It began during lunch time in a normal cafeteria of a normal earth school for humans. The alien-in-disguise stared around at his classmates as they ate their lunches. He picked at his own tray, mumbling quietly to himself, "Filthy humans… Look at the way the shovel the grey goop of grey disgustingness into their filthy mouths. I must hurry to find a way to destroy them, before my Tallests begin to fear that I, ZIM, am incapable of bringing their destruction."
Zim pushed the tray of food away across the table, retching in at the stink. He would never eat the filth served at the pathetic earth school. As always, he would have to wait until he returned to base before he could find some form of nourishment.
A small rounded projectile flew through the air and hit Zim in the side of the head. The pea landed next to his hand. Enraged, the Irken slammed his fist down, squishing the gooey vegetable seed into a flat… thing. A second pea hit his face. Zim leapt to his feet, standing on the bench. "Dib-stink! Cease your irritating attacks or you shall face my wrath!"
The human smirked and flung another pea off his fork while Zim was still yelling and the projectile flew right into the alien's open mouth. Zim gagged and coughed, thrashing around on the table as the horrible taste reached to his meaty brain. Dib laughed and picked up his cola. He had only drunk a few gulps of the fizzy liquid when his shirt was grabbed tightly by the front.
Zim held the human by the shirt and shook him back and forth. Dib attempted to pry Zim's hands away from his shirt but the Irken was much stronger than him. Zim stopped shaking him and pulled him forward so their faces were nearly touching. The rage in Zim's contact-covered eyes actually almost terrified Dib, and would have if he hadn't known that Zim wouldn't dare do anything while at school and in the middle of the cafeteria, surrounded by their classmates. Dib started to get a sick feeling in his stomach.
"Let me make this perfectly clear, hyooman." Zim said, his voice laced with poisonous hate. "Whatever you do, or say, no one on this pitiful planet will ever see you as anything other than the foolish pig-brain you are. And when I finally figure out how to destroy this stink hole, be assured that you will be the first of the destruction..." as Zim continued talking, the feeling in Dib's stomach grew worse. ".. am in every way more superior to your pathetic attempts to irritate and delay me and," Dib couldn't hold it in anymore.
The force of the belch nearly blew the wig right off of Zim's head, and left the alien wide eyed and in shock. Dib dropped to the ground when Zim released his shirt, the alien still frozen in place. Dib jumped to his feet, trying to figure out whether burping in the face of his hated enemy was good or completely embarrassing. He looked around to find the entire cafeteria was silent and staring at him. All of their classmates burst into laughter at the same time.
Dib slumped his head, then redirected his annoyance at Zim, but the irritation died as soon as he saw the Irken's face. Zim was still wide-eyed and shocked. He hadn't even lowered the hand that had been holding Dib by the shirt.
"What… was that?"
"What was what?" Dib asked, not hiding the irritation, and failing to hide the embarrassment in his voice.
Dib raised an eyebrow, "it was just a burp."
Zim still eyed Dib curiously, but he unfroze to reach up and readjust his wig on his head. "And all humans are capable of this?"
Now Dib was really confused. "Well yeah…" He could see the gears turning in the alien's head but couldn't possibly imagine what he could be thinking.
"And what is the source of this," Zim raised his hands and made a sort of altered air-quotes, "burp?"
Dib let out a puff of annoyance, "it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't shaken me."
Zim stared at Dib for a moment then reached forward and shook the human again, this time much harder and faster. When he stopped he set Dib down on his feet and waited, while Dib, on the other hand, reached up to stop his brain bouncing around in his skull.
"What was that for!?" Dib asked. Zim said nothing, but when nothing happened, Zim began to reach forward to grab his shirt again. Dib smacked his hand away. "I'm not going to burp again," he told him flat out.
Zim touched his hand to his chin area, and looked thoughtfully at Dib, who just stared back at him. "But you did it the first time," he pointed out.
Dib folded his arms and glared at Zim. "Well yeah, I had just taken a drink of soda."
Zim looked from Dib to the PoopCola can on the table. He reached out and took the aluminum can in his three-fingered hand. He shook the can lightly, letting the liquid roll from one side to the other without spilling. He held the can up to the side of his head and listened to the crackling of the carbonation. When he held it out and smelled it, he moved it away quickly, revolted by the smell.
Dib watched as Zim walked over to Zita and knocked her soda from her hand. Zita was about to object but Zim reached out and grabbed her by the head and the shirt then shook her, much like he had Dib, before setting her back down. Everything was silent for a moment, then Zita let out a loud belch comparable to Dib's in volume.
Resignation fell over Dib as the evil smirk on Zim's face told him that this was going to end with another idiotic plan to destroy the earth, and this one was going to be even more stupid than all the others.
"Let me guess…" Dib said walking up next to Zim, "You're planning to make all the humans in the world burp at the same time, in order to crack the earth in half."
"eh?" Zim looked up at Dib, "Oh! Oh yes!" He pumped his fist in the air, "using the humans own disgusting bodily functions as their own downfall will make things all too simple." He looked up at Dib as he realized who he was talking to. "YOU HEAR NOTHING!" the alien yelled then ran from the room, arms flailing.
Dib smacked his hand into his face. "Here we go again…"
Dib jumped at the noise right by his ear. "Ah! Gaz! What'd you do that for?"
Gaz shrugged and walked away, leaving Dib standing as the center of attention. So Dib sat as the ridicule of everyone while one determined invader went off to figure out how to cause all Humans on earth to burp at exactly the same time.